Mo’ money, Mo’ problems

What could you let go of in life that would feel like “freedom,” one of Christina’s definitions of renunciation?

Fearful, obsessed, frustrated and angry. Money makes me feel these things. Money makes me worry about not having money. Money is more fun, more exciting, more new and more better. Money is the root of evil.

I would love to let go of my obsession about money. It creates a lot of unnecessary suffering in my life. In a world with such disparate and seemingly separate socio-economic demographics, we all seem to have this in common. I have never been without money and wouldn’t know what it is like to be without – without my shoes, clothes, jewelry, fancy face cream, sporting equipment, travel. By nature, I am not a spoiled, high-maintenance person, so I likely would adapt. But the fear of not having financial security can be so overwhelming it’s crippling.

Like many of my engrained tendencies, this obsession was inherited from my mother. She was always talking about not having enough money, or vocalizing her concern that we may lose the house or have to stop playing competitive sports. As a child this instilled such a huge fear, I prayed everyday that we would be without money problems.

Until this past couple of weeks, I had not been conscious of this obsessive tendency. I have begun questioning my motivations for achieving higher education and working for our family business. Were these choices made out of passion for the cause and love of family? Or were they made for the financial security? Or, as Christina Feldman said, I may be perpetuating my self view – the “I have, I am, I do”.

Watching my cravings and aversions and seeking the freedom from the obsession, may crack my world wide open into a whole new reality. At this point I am just noticing my relationship with money – impulsive spending, wanting more & better – and assessing what I truly need.

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