I chose to cleanse my system of caffeine for 2 days. The only caffeine I consume is in the form of coffee. Morning of Day one, I was resentful – Why should I have to give this up? I love my morning coffee! It’s not that bad for me – I NEED it to get through my morning. Once the morning was underway, I felt so calm at my desk. I had a lot of work to do, but I didn’t feel anxious or excited about it. I felt this sense of a rhythm and presence to my work. I didn’t have my typical morning – peeing every 20 minutes, shaky, sweaty, burpy. Clearly, I have been consuming more caffeine than my body can handle. At the end of the day, driving home, I did not feel anxious behind the wheel. I felt very pleasant. It made me wonder why I have to be going 300 mph in order to do my job – as if I was somehow more productive. In fact, it makes me more distracted and wanting to do 3 things at once.
Thus, my initial morning of resentment, turned into a day of calm, ease & presence. I loved it so much that I decided to forego caffeine for a second day! I still “woke up”, and, again, I didn’t miss the anxiety, I felt much more able & willing to listen to people, and my thoughts weren’t as uncontrollable.
This morning I had a small cup of coffee and felt immediately cracked out – I became a complete chatterbox and felt compelled to anxiety. I’m unsure of my relationship with coffee at this point – I still love the smell and the taste, but I am taking a good hard look at how it can invoke anxiety and an attention deficit. Perhaps coffee becomes a treat, rather than a daily practice, so that I appreciate the power of this drug.